The fourth bear: a nursery crime by Jasper Fforde

Author:Jasper Fforde [Fforde, Jasper]
Format: epub
Tags: Mystery, Mystery & Detective - General, Adaptations, Humorous, Nursery rhymes, Fiction, Fiction - General, Suspense, Fairy Tales; Folklore & Mythology, Large type books
ISBN: 9780786290017
Publisher: Waterville, Me. : Thorndike Press ; 2006.
Published: 2010-10-15T07:00:00+00:00

“… and fought through the spice mines of Kessel…” droned on Uncle Colin.

“Dinner, anyone?” said Roger as a timer pinged in the kitchen, and everyone sprinted for the table, leaving Mary to bring up the rear.

“Has anyone seen Daisy?” asked Abigail, bringing in a large basket full of chips.

“She went out earlier,” said Ashley a bit impishly, “with that 10010111110101 rabble from across the road.”

“She’ll come to a sticky end,” said Roger.

“I think that was her intention,” replied Ashley with an amused squeak.

“Ashley,” scolded Abigail, “I won’t have that sort of gutter talk at dinner. Mary, be a darling and pass the toothpaste.”

Mary picked up what she thought must be the condiment basket and passed it up the table. Abigail carefully chose some Colgate and squeezed it onto her chips with some diesel oil out of a jug.

“Would you like some more?” asked Roger.

“I haven’t had anything yet,” pointed out Mary.

“I mean, would you like your morefirst? ” replied Roger with a trace of annoyance.

“Do you like Marmite?” asked Abigail quite suddenly.

“Not really.”

And they all applauded by tapping their sucker digits together. It sounded like twelve popguns going off in unison.

“Is this what Rambosians eat?” asked Mary politely. “Chips?”

“Goodness!” said Abigail, suddenly rising from the table and running into the kitchen, only to return a few seconds later with another plate. “I almost forgot the Pop-Tarts.”

Mary didn’t eat any Pop-Tarts but found some vinegar to put on her chips. The conversation was pretty mundane and centered on Roger’s and Abigail’s jobs in the library, with Uncle Colin’s recollections occasionally rising above a murmur in the background.

“…so we put it in ‘oversized books,’ which is ahighly unsatisfactory way of categorizing anything…”

“…outran a supernova in the Crab Nebula…”

“…so I memorized every word in every book, so customers can ask for anything with even the vaguest reference to their subject…”

“…suggested we taught binary as part of the open university’s language department—I ask you…”

“…binary keyboards are much simpler, of course—only one key…”

“…seen fusion bursts above the Plain of Squrrk…”

The conversation moved around toBig Brother after that, and the news that Cousin Eric had applied to be on the show but had been turned down because helacked severe mental problems and it might have had a bad influence on the others.

“Pudding?” asked Abigail.

“Yes, please,” said Mary, who didn’t think she could eat just chips. Abigail vanished into the kitchen and then returned withanother basket of chips.

“Dessert!” she announced to an approving chorus from the family.

“Morechips?” said Mary, leaning closer to Ashley.

“Yes,” he replied, “only eaten this time with a spoon—does anyone want to play KerPlunk! after dinner?”

“Can I show you something?” said Ashley once the meal was over and they had played KerPlunk! twice, and Binary Scrabble, which was fundamentally flawed, since every possible combination of ones and zeros made a word and it was impossiblenot to put down all your tiles, anywhere you wanted and in any order, every single turn.

“Sure.”

Ashley took her outside, opened the garage door and beckoned her inside. He flicked

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